How to be a ‘player’ in a ‘not sleazy’ way

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So you’ve spotted someone who you really want to approach and ask out, but you’re scared if you just go up to them you’re going to come across as a big old sleazeball. Is there a way you can approach a stranger without coming across as some movie cliché? We have some advice on how to be successful when dating without coming across as sleazy.

Don’t be ‘that’ person

You’ve seen them in bars, approaching anybody with a pulse in the hopes that they can find a way to hook up with them later in the evening. They aren’t subtle, and you have to question whether this tactic even works. Inevitably, as you are heading home, on your own, the sleazeball pushes past you with their new date in tow. How did that even happen? Well, sometimes that sleazy approach works, but more often than not it actually doesn’t, and they were knocked back many times until they found someone to go home with.

If you don’t want to approach people in a sleazy way, then simply don’t do it! These ‘players’ actually give regular people a bad name as they too would like to approach potential partners at a bar but afraid to in case they come across as one of those people. Instead of playing some mind games, the best approach is to look at things from their point of view. You might be the fifth person to come up to them in the past hour, so be aware of that and find something to connect with them, be memorable and find a common bond between you. Then you can have a great conversation, maybe exchange numbers and hang out together again sometime soon.

Don’t put them on a pedestal

You might be super attracted to someone, but try not to the think of them as some unapproachable person who isn’t worthy of your time. Have a little faith in yourself. Before you head over, think about the things that make you attractive too. Are they caring like you? Maybe you’re really funny, can they make you laugh? What are their interests? You went rock climbing last week, and the week before that you were in New York. People like all kinds of different things so don’t forget your own assets, they might be exactly what they are looking for.

Be upfront

There is nothing wrong with honesty, in fact when trying to date others it is preferable. You might only be there to meet up with someone just for that evening. Instead of pretending to be some knight in shining armor, with the honor to boot, just be honest about your intentions. You don’t have to come straight out and say it, but at some stage, it is important to mention it. Lying about why you are speaking to someone will only make you come across as a bad person afterward, so at least if you put things on the table, then people know where they stand. For all you know, the other person could be looking for exactly the same thing and you two can hit it off!

The best way to avoid coming across as sleazy is to avoid being sleazy in the first place. If you are only looking for casual relationships then that’s okay but just let the other person know. The most important thing is to think of things from their perspective. How would you feel if you were them? Try to find personal connections between you and them rather than spitting out tired old clichés that will actually make you seem sleazy.

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