Most of us will end up in a relationship, or on a date with a narcissist at some point, but it is likely that we won’t know it at the time. Spotting a narcissist early on while dating is not easy, so people often find themselves in relationships with them. So how can you save yourself time and heartache by spotting a narcissist on a first date?
What defines a narcissist
A narcissist is someone who is very self-involved and believes that the world revolves around them. There is a full spectrum of narcissistic behavior, with some people being clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. There are several different ways that narcissism can present in a person. For example, they could be shy or outgoing. The one thing that they have in common is that they are averse to sharing emotional vulnerability. Here is what to look out for.
Narcissists call the shots
Sometimes it can be nice to have someone else take control, but if they plan every aspect of your date, this might be a warning sign. Narcissists want everything to go their own way, and so they will rarely leave things to chance or open-ended. Therefore, they will probably plan where you go for dinner, what bar you should head to afterward and what time you should leave. Of course, it could just be someone who is quite particular or wants to sweep you off of your feet, so it is important to see if they match any of the other criteria before running away.
Of course, it makes sense to talk yourself up on a date, but narcissists tend to brag more than others, and those who rate higher on the scale can do it without you even realizing. They will slip into a conversation about always flying first class, for example, and you will be impressed without even realizing that it is a blatant brag.
They love-bomb you
Although this sounds harmless, it can be a sign of sinister things to come. A narcissist will likely try to hook you by telling you things such as the fact that you are clearly ‘meant to be together,’ and before you’ve even got your appetizers, will be planning the trips you’ll take and the adventures you’ll have. For most people, especially those who are a little insecure, this adoration and attention can be intoxicating and addictive, so you are likely to give this partner anything they want – which is exactly their plan.
They are rude to service staff
If someone is rude to a waiter, that is likely an indicator of how they really treat people and may treat you in the future. There is no need for rudeness or arrogance when you are in a restaurant (or ever, really!), so let this be a warning sign. Chances are, your date has a lot of pent-up rage and may be emotionally abusive – they are not a keeper!
They are all about your insecurities
A narcissist will make “jokes” about some of your insecurities, and push pressure points in a conversation, but will rarely volunteer information about their own vulnerabilities or past experiences. This will make them feel stronger, and you will end up feeling as though you are in the hot seat. It is likely that they will also use this information against you in the future.
If you think you might be on a date with a narcissist, it is time to leave. Of course, it can be difficult, especially as they will have told you things you want to hear, and will try to convince you that you are a great match, but in the long run, you will end up unhappy. You can do a lot better, and deserve someone a little less manipulative and self-involved.